(For more emotions, try listening to this while reading. I thought it was nice music. Anyway, let's carry on with the topic...)
Can I just say, before getting started, how thankful I am for you? Yes, you. The person reading this. Whether you are a Palace member, rarely play MC, love the server, enjoy Fuse, or just are still reading this, I thank you. Thanks for your support. To be honest, after what happened, I wasn't sure if I was even going to resurface. But, I'll save that for the story.
CAUTION - This story features some emotional baggage. Just a warning.
Alright, let's get started...
Where to begin?
I think it'd be best to start back where this started. Back to early June 2019, or somewhere around that time.
Fuse was getting busy (Fuse is a theme park company that I direct with Clockwork2002). TPC 2019 was fast approaching, we had a theme park that needed to be completed and another one that needed to be started, Random and I were negotiating trade things for PCL (Palace Cruise Lines), I was busy updating TVRS (TomorrowVerse) and editing Fuse Live. It was a lot to handle, but it wouldn't have been too hard. I had a dedicated team- one that had helped me through many a time previously on other Fuse projects. Summer was shaping up to be a wonderful month for us to flourish.
That is, until, a lot of the Fuse staff just went... silent. It wouldn't have been too hard to manage with a team, but all of a sudden, I felt like I was alone. Just me and this company boat I had to captain. Suddenly, these clear waters seemed to transform into a raging, stormy sea- and only with me at the helm.
I got overwhelmed. That's basically the gist of it.
Clockwork2002 had recently gone silent, and other Fuse staff like Dr_Orlando and DisQuick got busy with their own endeavors. Without help from the other creative leads of the company, I felt like I couldn't do anything without them. I was working with the rest of the team to restructure the company, and things were going well, but when they went silent, I didn't know what to do.
My next thought was "Oh, boy, well, I need some help, and fast."
So, I reorganized applications and started to get things rolling to get more help. But, somehow, that overwhelmed me too. I suppose, since I was making things so professional and official and so many people were applying that I couldn't keep up with that.
I felt like I was letting my other commitments down, like SWPE (SeaWorld Palace Entertainment). I had a manager position there, but I had rarely done anything to help there, and with their recent expansion plans, I felt bad for not helping out.
Shortly after that, my summer schedule started to get to me, and with a new job, volunteering, and other higher-priority things taking up my time, I just... left.
I jumped into the lifeboat and abandoned ship.
At the worst possible moment.
I should have given some word of warning before, like, "Hey, I'm gonna take a break and stuff" but I felt like if I did that, right before TPC, people would get mad at me for leaving right before a moment they worked hard to create (with their booths, and scheduled panels, etc..).
I was running Fuse like a company- which is, to be honest, the WORST way to do things. When you start managing things so crazy like that, it starts to feel like work, even if you are playing a game. It had already felt like work before- so when I was by myself, I broke.
I don't blame the others for having their things to do- they had other commitments that were more important than Fuse. I just felt like I should have managed things better. I should have scaled back. I shouldn't have expanded so fast. But now, with my sudden disappearance, that led people to find my past... the past I tried so, so hard to hide. But, I guess you can't hide truth.
If I'm going to be honest, I feel like I can't do anything without those guys. The other Fuse staff members. People like Clockwork2002, Dr_Orlando, DisQuick... They are the heart and soul of this company. They basically build the stuff, they have the ideas, they do everything that people love about Fuse.
So when they got busy... yeah. I fell apart.
I should have reached out for help. I should have asked them for help. But, I didn't want to bother them. I didn't want to distract them from their commitments.
That's what happened.
I feel like I should apologize about disappearing. About letting a lot of you guys down with TPC 2019. About not delivering on my promises for new parks and rides on time.
I don't know what to do now exactly, especially since the other staff family members still seem to be busy with more important things, but I have a few ideas.
I'm going to stop being so "corporate". Fuse is sort of known for our "corporate" style. We try to act professional, and that can help us sometimes. But I feel like that's kind of cheap and not very honest, especially when things like this arise. So I'll try to be more down-to-earth with you guys. This is the first step for that.
I'm going to scale back a bit. So many projects just overwhelmed me... So, I'm planning on scaling back. Probably focus on Fantasy Valley and TomorrowVerse for now and updates. Maybe finish Hollywood Adventure before 2020.
Salvage TPC 2019. I want to reschedule a date for it and maybe have some panels for it? TPC 2019 is one of the things that overwhelmed me, so I should probably just focus on showing off the amazing booths you guys built.
Help out with my other commitments. I feel like I should help out at SWPE more, so I'll be focusing on that more too. I feel like I've been letting them down by not helping much.
Focus on FUN. This is just a game. I'll try to just have fun and not stress myself out in the future.
I've also heard that some of you guys found something about my past. Fair enough- when people disappear, others want to know why. My history on other servers is a topic for another day. If enough people want to hear the full story, maybe I'll make another post called "The Truth 2". Just to answer some questions about what happened there.
TL;DR: I got overwhelmed. I'm gonna try to not be overwhelmed now. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.
I love you all.
(Webcon1) (Fuse Entertainment Director) (Proud Member of the Palace Community)